Friday, 20 January 2012

Elementary My Dear Watson.......

I hope you are enjoying the blog as much as i am writing it...well over 130 hits .
If you remember from the flight from the Uk there was no in-flight entertainment so i began reading The Complete Sherlock  Holmes collection on my kindle (only 70p!) and despite reading it every day here i am still less than half way through it. So in honour of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle i give you yesterday (fri) in his style starring Nik as Dr Watson, Me as Sherlock Holmes................
I awoke in bed at 221b Baker St (the resort) as Watson stirred beside me (for myself and the good Doctor were at times intimate)
"I say Watson, i do believe that it is precipitating outside at present"
" Gracious Holmes how do you know that for i confess the curtains are still drawn"
"Elementary my boy, for the rain is making a hell of a racket on the roof!"
I strode to the balcony and looked outside
"Fear not Watson for it will soon be sunny, for the wind is in the east and looking in that direction with my spyglass i can see a plethera of Sailors trousers"
Watson was much pleased with this assertion and presently we did get up and dressed for the day ahead.
"I say Watson" say i "I deduce that you did have a spicy local meal last evensong"
"By jove Holmes how did you deduce that for i confess what you say is true!"
"Three points my good fellow.......number one is the double flush of the lavatory which i heard...number two is your ungainly gait on leaving the bathroom...and number three the untimeley death of my pet canary Moriarty who resided in a cage by the toilet door and who seems to have died an agonising end!"
"Brilliant Holmes for it is true i have an arse like the Japanese flag!"
There then followed a period of relaxation by the sea, but i am a man of action and i was getting restless, whereas Watson was generally a seditantary fellow....
"I say Watson" say i " How do you feel about taking afloat on the ocean in a double kayak?"
Watson was much troubled by this but eventually acceded to my remonstration...
So Watson took the bow and myself the stern berth and a local beach helper of the Thai persuasion launched us forth with a mighty thrust.....As this occured i , by smart mathematical reasoning, came to the conclusion that the 75 degree angle of us entering the sea, coupled with the oncoming waves at a perpendicular angle to the shore would cause us the utmost suffering....as so it transpired that first Watson, then i did go head first into the briney!! This caused much merriment amongst the gathering throng, save for Watson, who was sorely pissed off!!!
As day turned to evening myself and the good Doctor set forth for a walk to the local village, a mere few furlongs along the road.
There were many places to partake of food, drink, massage and i dare say other sins of the flesh, yet on the whole it was a pleasing place to visit.
We decided to go to an establishment named "Charlie Chaplins Massage Parlour" though i confess i have never heard of the fellow. Watson informed me he had yet to be born by the time of my death in 1897!
Two very pleasing Thai ladies did give us a relaxing foot massage at the cost of 7 florins each which was a bargain methinks!
We then entered a local taverna called The Orchid where i had a curry and chillies and Watson, being a more conventional fellow, had a pizza.
To complete our adventure. on return to Baker Street by hansom cab we partook of a cinematic delight...a moving picture show on the beach under the stars.We watched "Death At A Funeral" which Watson enjoyed immensley, but i found it a trifling affair, and as i deduced after a mere 10 minutes, the butler did it!!!
I am forever your loyal servant
Mr Sherlock Holmes

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